Hello, it is I, Rowan (WaterWai (KrbnMnxd))

This is my Blog Site.

I don't plan on updating it on a scheduled basis; this is just a way to talk about my day or emotions without people judging.

Number of Entries: 115

Number of Images: 8 (or 7 since one of the images is broken)

Number of IFrames: 1 (or 2 if you wanna be a bitch like that)

Blogs in one day record: 6

11/09/26 - 11:48

Classwide punishments are so dumb cuz I literally didn't do anything why am I in trouble. If someone commits a crime do you arrest them & their whole family or just them? Obviously you just arrest the person cuz they're the one who did the crime & everone else is innocent! I shouldn't be held accountable for the actions of a seperate person whilst I was doing as instructed. & it's not even like there's confusion about who was & wasn't acting up either, it is almost always so obvious who was acting up & who wasn't. What's even worse is when you have to write a paragraph about what you did wrong when you didn't do anything wrong. Like bro I didn't do anything shut up I'm not doing that. I literally have a 100% grade in your class & straight A's all across the board there should be ZERO REASON WHATSOEVER to punish me because it is so apparently obvious that I didn't do anything! Like now instead of fixing the problem the people that act up are just going to continue acting up & now I'm gonna hate you too. I haven't talked back to a teacher in 2 years, I've been getting good grades, I've stopped talking during class, I pay attention in class now, I don't sleep in class anymore, I'm respectful, & I still get fucked over. Like if you hate me then just say it, don't bother with all of the pretty packaging. I already did the essay, none of that really matters anymore, I didn't even add that much malice to it, but if this happens again I will not hold back. I do not care if I actually get in trouble for it, I did nothing wrong in the first place & there should be no reason that you're putting me in this position. It just feels like you're shoving a giant stick up my ass even when I already submitted genuinly fuck off bro. What a load of shit.

10/09/26 - 07:12

Merry Kirkmas!!!!!!!!!

09/09/26 - 07:31

Merry Kirkmas Eve

08/09/26 - 11:33

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DURING OUTSIDE TIME THE GUY I HAVE A CRUSH ON (which I have a crush on someone) CAME UP TO ME & HE GAVE ME A FIST BUMP & HELD MY HANDS & SAID MY NAILS WERE PRETTY OMG I'M GOING TO FUCKING SHIT MYSELF WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

27/08/26 - 07:25

Today is the 6th day of school & I'm wearing my dress that's totally awesomesauce (I got it at Hot Topic)! Also somehow no, that test yesterday didn't suck. It was in IXL & it was the ELA assessment & I got a 10th-11th grade score across the board despite being in Eighth. Maybe being a Homestuck's a good thing afterall. I think I've already gotten weird looks at my outfit but it's whatever, I don't really care, these people will (probably (most likely (but still probably nonethanless))) forget about me after highschool so it's whatever.

26/08/26 - 07:41

Oh my god they're making us wear earbuds & they're so ass bro, they're so uncomfortable & they don't even fit into my ears bro they're so buns today's gonna suck ass.

26/08/26 - 07:37

Also I'm reading a webcomic on MSPFA called GayShit & it's pretty good.

26/08/26 - 07:35

Today is the 5th day of school (yes, we started school on a Thursday, don't ask me why) & we already have a test thingy to do. We're gonna be in Homeroom for like 2 hours & it's gonna suck complete ass bro cuz I sit next to some obnoxious popular dude & he's so annoying tbh. Literally only 2 people in my Homeroom are Tree Kids/Weird Kids & even then I don't even know them shit's the worst. This test is gonna be buns too like bro it is 7:30 in the morning I don't have the energy to do this shit. It is the 5th day of school why tf are we doing a test bro.

15/08/26 - 13:55

Also I'm finally going to therapy which I'm really excited about!

15/08/26 - 13:34

Soon I will update my blog alot more because school is starting back up in a few days. I find myself working on my website alot more when I'm at school & especially updating this blog during school since things are more eventful because I'm actually around people instead of locked up in my room all day. I'm pretty excited to go back to school & see all of my friends again! Also I found this new game called OpenFront & it's really fun. I've genuinly been playing it all day every day & I'm obsessed.

15/07/26 - 23:02

Why are we so divisive? We are all human at the end of the day, so what's the point in fighting? What good does it serve to argue with others on the internet? What does it solve? What problem does it fix? You can't change someone's mind by typing. You can't change someone's mind by debating. You can't change someone's mind by fighting. So why do it? Is it to chase the rush of a heated argument? Can we not just accept each other & love each other? Life is a fucking miracle man. Do you know how lucky you are to be alive? Do you know how lucky we are for the Earth to even exist? Your life is short; so why waste it "owning" people online instead of embracing the beauty of the world & the beauty of you?

15/07/26 - 02:40

Y'know, despite how much depressing or enraging shit I talk about on here, I generally have a pretty good life all things considered. I have a supportive family, I have a pretty big friend group filled with people just like me, I'd generally consider myself spoiled, I have unrestricted access to the internet, my family is pretty well off, I go to a fairly progressive school, I'm just not living a bad life like you'd think if you were reading this & knew nothing else about me other than what is contained in this blog. That doesn't mean there isn't issues with my life of course. I'm transgender in West Virginia, I have mental health issues, I have HORRIBLE social anxiety (which now that I think about it, that falls under mental health issues), I have a ton of secrets, I have a pretty large amount that I can never tell anyone ever (that means y'all too), & I'm a Buddhist in a Christian household.

13/07/26 - 03:52

Today I drank my first beer (I only took 2 pseudo-normal drinks & 2 sips (one of them was a sip of the foam so idk if that counts to anything)) & it tasted like shit. Also I changed it so that every entry is paragraph text & not a header so that the MS Gothic font I implemented actually gets use. But none of that shit really matters, does it? We are not mad enough about the injustices & general bullshit going on in this world. I know that there isn't a whole lot that I can do since I'm just an edgy 13 year old tranny who thinks she's gonna become a well known communist revolutionaire social justice activisst or whatever, but please if you can, speak up about everything. A young black man by the name of Nolan Wells "mysteriously died" recently & the only people I've seen talk about it are random people on Instagram (of which I follow cuz they have similar/the same political views as me). This is something serious guys. Nolan was the only black person in the friend group. He & his "friends" went to Horn Island; a place that "coincidentally" has quote "no shelters, no facilities & no communications". Nolan was also "coincidentally" the only black person in said friend group, & Mississippi (which is where Horn Island is) is known to not be the most tolerant or progressive. From what I heard, Nolan left the boat to go talk to a girl or something, but for some reason he left his phone on the boat or with his friends I don't quite remember which. That doesn't really make sense though cuz how are you supposed to get someones number if you don't have your phone on you? Apparently, Nolan's "friends" ended up leaving Horn Island without him or something. But either way his "friends" made it back home & Nolan didn't. Nolan so didn't make it back home in fact that on the 6th of July, Nolan's dead body was found near the shore of the beach. Coroner Bruce Lynd said that "no foul play was suspected", but I personally find that hard to believe. There's just too many "coincidences" in this whole case for his death to be an accident. But what do I know, I'm just a dumb kid afterall.

17/06/26 - 11:59

I have added a new font to replace the shitty default one! It's MS Gothic (which is my favorite font)!

16/06/26 - 21:18

I have begun working on Version 2.0 of this website! That doesn't mean that 1.0 will no longer recieve updates or anything, just that the next great thing is in the works! I even have a beautiful logo for it!

02/06/26 - 23:18

There's a fair amount of stuff I want to cover. A few days ago my dad got me a Meta Quest 3S. I'm rereading Homestuck & streaming it. I'm learning 6502. My sister got me a bracelet with an orca on it. My sister is also getting me a Trans Flag & an Omni Flag. I'm out of nail polish. Rec-Room was shut down for good & I downloaded Vanilla. Me & my friends are trying to hang out a bunch over the summer. & this is the 100th blog.

28/05/26 - 19:56

Everything is okay!!! She was just asleep!!!

28/05/26 - 18:42

My bestie isn't responding to my messages or even reading them. I'm starting to get a bit scared cuz this is nothing at all like her. I hope she's okay.

28/05/26 - 17:36

I am no longer a 7th grader.

24/05/26 - 17:37

Tuesday marks the beginning of the last week of school which is pretty cool I suppose. & it's only 3 days long, going from Tuesday (as already mentioned), to Thursday, of which I'm fairly excited about. Though I am a bit bummed about not being able to see my friends for about 2 months & a half, & I likely will almost completely isolate myself & fuck up my sleep schedule, I'm still somewhat excited for the summer. Though I might for the first time actually have friends over if mine & their parents say okay, or even better, go to my friends house. One of my close friends lives real close to me so I doubt it'll be too hard to arrange something. I'm also pretty scared about going into 8th grade I suppose, but if my mom actually gets me into therapy like my doctor told her to (which is because my doctor saw my marks from cutting myself, which are still there for some reason even though I didn't even go deep or hard & it was like over a month ago but whatever) I may be able to finally be diagnosed with all the shit I certainly have which will make life a hellofalot easier.

15/05/26 - 08:06

Last night was the school band concert (I don't know if I said this but I'm in band class (no I'm not (exactly) a band kid (in the sense that I hand out with (some) normal people but am generally friends with weird kids), I'm just a weird kid in band)) & I think we cooked tbh. It was a bit stressful & I wanted to cry halfway through but whatever. Before our concert (& I mean right before) was the show choir's concert thingy & alot of my friends are in that (including my bestie) so being able to see them afterwards was pretty sicknasty I would say (also I just looked down at the previous blog whilst writing this that I did indeed mention I am in band so that whole big nest of parenthesis was kinda useless rofl (I'm not removing it)).

14/05/26 - 07:24

I have my band concert later today. I'm lowkey not ready for it at all. I don't even know what parts I play (I'm in percussion so it varries sometimes) because I had to leave early to go to the doctor when he (my teacher) was explaining it all. I'm so cooked dogg.

13/05/26 - 11:32

Today I have beat Snowgrave Spamton Neo 7 times (so far will do more) & my head is pounding from the test I just took lmao. As it turns out I had strep & definitely should have been sent home so whatever; & I got it treated so late that it manifested into a sinus infection & a double ear infection so that's sicknasty I would say. I'm still recovering & also still feel like shit tbh. My doctor saw the marks on my arms & reccomended therapy so hopefully soon I can finally get my mental shit diagnosed & recieve proper treatment for it.

08/05/26 - 14:04

I'm just not even gonna do my work. I'm gonna play Deltarune until school's over. What even is the point? I'm not gonna be able to focus anyway.

08/05/26 - 14:02

Great. Just fucking phenomenal. It's so fucking awesome how I ask to go to the nurse in 4th period cuz I'm losing my voice & my throat is killing me but can't go cuz she's on break, then I ask in 5th to go but my teacher never asks, & then the same thing in 6th. That's fucking incredible. & now in 7th I asked to go & finally I did. You wanna know what the nurse did for me? Not call my parents. Not have me sit in her office until the end of the day. You wanna know what she did? She gave me a mint & sent me back to class. Isn't that so cool? Wow dogg, you really fucking helped me there! You totally did so much to help me. She even pointed out that my throat was irretated. But whatever. It doesn't fucking matter. I'll be home in like 30 minutes or whatever. I don't care.

08/05/26 - 07:24

I forgot to blog it, but yesterday the drama club had a play during 3rd period so we all went down to see it. I thought it was peak but was afraid of people making fun of them, especially since the drama club is made up mostly of my friends (because my friends are all weird kids (just like me) & the friend group is really big), but thankfully I don't think anyone is/did. It was pretty awesome & convinced me to join next year; though I'll only be doing behind the scenes work cuz I cannot for the life of me perform in front of people.

07/05/26 - 11:27

You know how my friends are shipping me with another one of my friends? Well I've kinda developed feelings for said friend that I'm being shipped with. The only problem is that he's straight, I do not pass whatsoever, & he has a girlfriend. But whatever I guess.

07/05/26 - 08:20

I went to play Alien Hominid so I obviously typed "Alien Hominid Unvlocked" (Unvlocked cuz if you type Unblocked into Google the filter blocks you), but I got ZERO results. None at all.

I doubt that this is a coincidence really considering how I was able to play Alien Hominid literally just yesterday. But whatever. I don't care. & I also tried to type Unblocked to see if it worked but as expected it didn't.

06/05/26 - 08:21

Also apparently one of my friends actually sucks. He's rude & calls people slurs (which they are slurs he can use (& that's not really a problem to me cuz I say slurs too (& of course the slurs I do say are ones that both I can use & that have been reclaimed; I can say 3 slurs but I only use 2 of them cuz the t-slur has yet to be reclaimed (but we're getting there shoutout AVGT (Angry Video Game Tr____))))) & he seems to not like some of my other friends & vice versa. He's also been accused of being a bit of a creep like touching girls when they don't want him too (not in like a sexual way but like grabbing their legs & stuff which is still pretty weird) & I don't really know if I want to remain friends with him but we'll see.

06/05/26 - 08:11

Yesterday my oldest sister said that she'd go through her old clothes with me & give me anything that she didn't want like old dresses & stuff. Obviously I'm hyped as hell for this.

06/05/26 - 08:04

Also to add onto the entry about my schools new web filter, the only way to get around it (of which I know), is to misspell words (unblocked ==> unvlocked, games ==> gmaes etc.)

06/05/26 - 08:01

Do I count as a journalist? I hope not. I don't really like most "journalists" tbh. They're all really greedy. I don't want to be greedy. I don't care that greed is human nature, it's also the source of all evil ever. I don't want to be evil. 'Course not all journalists are greedy or evil, it's just that a lot of them are. Information should be free & convinient, not locked behind a paywall & riddled with ads.

06/05/26 - 07:39

I sure do love how predatory & invasive my schools new web filtering is. I love it when it blocks literal words. You can't search "unblocked" or "games" even if you're not looking for unblocked games. Right now it's just those 2 words (that I've noticed), but this could very easily devolve into fullblown actual censorship. I live in West Virginia, a deep red state. I can very well see this go from "preventing kids from even attemping to play games in class by blocking related words" to "I have so much power now these students, what's preventing me from blocking specific words that relate to things I don't agree with as to push my own agenda". 'Course there's a pretty high chance that won't happen, my school is fairly progressive all things considered, but that doesn't mean it's impossible, not at all.

06/05/26 - 07:27

In an unusually good mood today :3c

04/05/26 - 08:18

Children of the Gun is really good btw you should read it. The beginning is quite complicated & I don't totally understand it but it has alot of charm & is funny & stuff. I'm in Chapter 2 rn.

04/05/26 - 07:25

Jesus Christ I need to get mental help.

01/05/26 - 10:48

I made some drawings

01/05/26 - 09:20

One of my friends is writing fanfiction between me & another one of my friends & it's awesome dogg

30/04/26 - 07:25

There is no way in hell that the school year is already almost over. I swear to god it feels like it should be like November or something right now. Over the summer I plan to learn 6502 Assembly so I can make NES games, but that will be learning with no experience in coding before hand other than learning & forgetting how to do print comamnds in Python. Also HTML is not a coding language so this website accounts to NOTHING.

28/04/26 - 07:21

I have big test today

27/04/26 - 08:09

War isn't our only concern. Climate change is too. I know I probably sound like a cornball millennial talking about some "let's go save the planets! let's save the trees!" type shit, but this is a real fucking problem dude. Do you know what a superfund site is? Chances are you probably don't, because the government never talks about them. A superfund site is an area where a factory had once stood that was not properly cleaned up when destroyed & is now contaminating the ground, air, & water. This has been a problem since the 70s when Lois Gibbs realized that everyone in her town, Love Canal, was suddenly sick. She did studies on how many people were sick, the cancer rates, the miscarriage rates, & the birth defect rates & found a connection. But when she brought this information to the New York State health officials and local authorities, she was dismissed as a "useless houewife" (their words not mine) & was told that she couldn't understand science. & it's only really gotten worse since then. Since then, the EPA has released a map of all of the superfund sites in America, where they listed ~1300-1350 sites... or atleast that's the one that they want you to see. There is actually more than one map, one of them actually lists ~12000 sites. The reason for the high gap between the 2 numbers is because they only want you to see the super critical dangerous ones, while excluding an unreasonably large majority of them. Chances are, if you're in the US, you're likely at most 10 miles away from one. There's a higher chance of being near a superfund site than being near a Starbucks it's that bad. This is a serious fucking problem. & you could say "well that's just the factories that have been destroyed" or some shit, but the active ones are just as bad. When you think of civilization, you probably think of immense traffic, huge skyscrapers, big apartment complexes, & general stuff like that. The thing is, you've been conditioned to think this way by big corporations. They want you to think of big urbanized cities with product placement everywhere you see when you think of living a normal life. They want you to think that the only way to survive is off of these things that even just 20 years ago would seem like they come from an alternate timeline where the government owns everything & you have no rights, but the fact of the matter is that that's just how the world is today. You're conditioned to think that everything is fine & that the world is incredible. The world fucking sucks right now. I don't believe things have ever been worse. I'm being completely serious when I say things like "Trump is Hitler reincarnated". I'm not exagerating. This is just simply what is going on. Also did you know that overusing AI actually affects your brain? Well it sure does! Studies have linked using AI everyday affects your memory, cognative skills, attention span, & just general fucking intelligence. There's no need to trade your thoughts over to a glorified Word Jumbler with a fancy name (which is what LLM's are, they literally just take relevant words & fucking jam them together like a caveman discovering how to eat more than one thing at once), you still have a brain, you just need to actually fucking use it for once. I assure you that doing research isn't difficult. I wrote all of this by myself, & I'm 13. Just please use your brain. We need more actual creativity. We need smart people again. Make America Smart Again. Make The Whole Fucking World Smart Again.

27/04/26 - 07:33

My prayers go out to all of the families in Lebanon, Palestine, Gaza etc. Stay safe

27/04/26 - 07:32

The world just seems to get worse every day. I have not seen a singular person talking about anything that's been going on in Lebanon. Not the Israeli bombing on the 8th, not whatever the fuck happened literally fucking yesterday, no one at all. Like seriously we gotta do something. Talking isn't doing anything anymore, it's not the 90s. You can't just chant in the street & expect things to change. We have to do something physical. That's the point that we're at. Less blah blah blah, only action.

24/04/26 - 07:38

My mom found my cuts.

23/04/26 - 07:22

Last night I did some things to my arms. I regret my actions.

20/04/26 - 11:29

Finally, after all of this time 4.0 (which is now 1.0) is released. I have been working on this shit SINCE SEPTEMBER!!! Don't ask why it took so long, I do not have an answer. Just explore this shithole & have fun! :3c

17/04/26 - 12:04

Also, this entry & the previous one are the first to be written on paper! :3c

17/04/26 - 11:59

I messaged the principal & said that I'd like her to all of my current & future teachers about my preferred name & pronouns & she said she would so that's pretty cool I guess. Though, West Virginia law makes it so that the staff of a school must report these changes to the student's parents. But thankfully I'm already out to my parents & they accept me so I don't have to worry about that.

(=^・^=)

15/04/26 - 10:53

I think the website will be done soon. I've been working on 4.0 (which is now 1.0.0) since September 2025. & we're halfway through April now, & the website is mostly usable. It just feels like it's missing something, but I can't tell exactly what.

14/04/26 - 09:23

I TOLD HIM SOME RANDOMASS LORE YESTERDAY IN BAND CLASS & HE LOOKEDON TUMBLR & THOUGHT THE ART LOOKED COOL & I JUST CONVINCED HIM TO READ ACT 1 I HAVE DRAGGED MY FIRST SOUL INTO THE UNDERWORLD.

14/04/26 - 09:19

I HAVE INFECTED MY FRIEND WITH THE HOMESTUCK BRAINWORM

14/04/26 - 07:26

Last night I broke up with my boyfriend. There was nothing wrong with our relationship really, everything was really good to be honest. It was just the 8 hour time difference that made me want to end it. We ended things on good terms & I have a feeling that he wanted the same thing because of how well he took it. We're still friends & somehow it's really not awkward between us even though we were dating for a year & 3 months.

10/04/26 - 20:55

Well I forgot to blog it but I uh... I kinda finished Homestuck. Also sorry for the blog drought, I just haven't been doing it for... well literally no reason in particular, just haven't felt like it I guess.

27/03/26 - 11:26

please someone, anyone, if you're reading this, please help me.

18/03/26 - 19:32

Well, I got it rehosted back on Neocities, just under a new domain (& without the slurs). Getting this on GitHub was too complicated to I didn't do it. Also the reason it's called krbnmnxd.neocities.org is because KrbnMnxd is my PS3 Username (it's pronounced as carbon monoxide)

14/03/26 - 11:12

08/03/26 - 13:49

I feel like a slob. Just sitting around on my computer all day. Too lazy to do the simplest of tasks.

08/03/26 - 12:24

Well... uh... a few days ago my Neocities dissappeared. It probably was banned due to me using slurs but whatever, they could've given me a warning. But it doesn't matter now. So now I am mortal enemies with Neocities & this website is being hosted on GitHub. Although I currently don't have it set up, so i'm writing this in sublime text, cuz thankfully I downloaded the site on my birthday on accident so I still have all of my shit. But over a slur (of which I can say btw) is kinda dumb. I'll take the word out just in case GitHub doesn't rock with it, but whatever.

04/03/26 - 23:01

Today is my 13th birthday! So, Imma go over everything I got today. I got a PS3 Controller, Halo 2 Collecters Edition, South Park The Complete Season 1 DVD, Cinnamoroll Figurine, Cinnamoroll Keychain, Hello Kitty Bed Spread, Straw Hat Pirate Tee-Shirt, & One Piece Volume 1-3 Collection! Since my parents are divorced, I will continue to get presents for the next 1~2 days. I'm also in a really good mood right now!

03/03/26 - 11:05

Jesus I really do need help.

(6)

03/03/26 - 11:04

...am i arguing with myself?

(5)

03/03/26 - 10:59

Yes is literally fucking is stop making excuses. You're so manipulative & toxic!

03/03/26 - 10:58

Well excuse me fucker it's not my fault that I have attachment issues!

03/03/26 - 10:57

You asshole he doesn't fucking hate you! He always sits with you, let him spend time with his boyfriend you attention seeker.

03/03/26 - 10:52

if you hated me why didn't you fucking say it

02/03/26 - 14:14

Damn it's snowing hard, apparently it's suppossed to get into the 80F's by the end of the week but I don;t believe that for a second due to how quickly the snow is falling & the sheer amount of snow that's falling. Also, this is the 50th entry so that's pretty cool I guess.

02/03/26 - 11:46

I'm doing a lot better now!!! The person who sits next to me during the period between Lunch & 5th (of which I'm in right now) complimented my drawing & now I feel great!!!

02/03/26 - 10:20

i sure do love it how when my friend is just a tad bit upset everyone goes to comfort him, yet when i'm having a mental breakdown not a single person even asks if i'm okay.

02/03/26 - 10:08

Jesus wept.

27/02/26 - 15:20

Well I guess this page already had an IFrame considering the Deltarune music up at the top, but like I meant IFrames in the entries itself.

27/02/26 - 15:17

& yes, this blog now also has IFrames. This shit's getting advanced!!

27/02/26 - 15:16

Holy shit I just found a really fucking cool radio station, I will host an IFrame to it below.

It used to be an illegal london radio station, but in 2023 it was bought & now resumes as a legal one. Not nearly as Kool but hey they still play DnB & stuff.

26/02/26 - 07:51

So John Egbert is missing, Evil Jade looks actually fucking stupid (but she's still awesome nonethanless (I hope I spelt that word correctly (Yes I'm embedding parenthesis inside of parenthesis))), Evil Jane also looks really fucking stupid (but she's also still awesome), Roxy is still the goat, everyone is back on their planets, Rose's text is like all garbled for some reason (idk maybe she has a bad connection or something), & the stories getting really good for no reason. Also we're allowed to talk during lunch again.

24/02/26 - 10:49

& yes, the blog contains images now.

24/02/26 - 10:47

I've fucking made it

(Yes I know the image is broken. No I can't fix it.)

23/02/26 - 14:19

We were doing a writing thing in 4th because that's my English class & we were doing in on some website. Apparently my writing was so good that my teacher looked at it for 3 seconds then determined it was AI, which made me feel like shit. In lunch people couldn't stop talking so now we have silent lunch until Friday so that made me feel like shit. & during the time after lunch but before 5th period our teacher actually crashed out which, you guessed it, made me feel like shit. I'm doing a bit better now but have a killer headache, thankfully the day will be over soon though. Also new record of blogs in 1 day I guess, which is 4.

23/02/26 - 11:18

whats even the point. ill be okay in a few hours anyways.

23/02/26 - 10:50

someone please help me

23/02/26 - 09:53

feeling empty is much worse than feeling sad.

20/02/26 - 11:37

Great, now I can't fucking read Homestuck because my mind is too worried on thinking about what happened.

20/02/26 - 11:34

So like actually what the fuck just happened. I was at lunch just minding my own business talking with my bestie, when I look over & see someone pour milk on one of my friends. The cafeteria went a bit silent for a few seconds before erupting into screams. Apparently my friend had thrown something at the person which provoked them to pour milk on them, but I know my friend wouldn't just do that unprovoked, that's not like them. Clearely somethign must have happened between the 2 of them, but people aren't talking about that, they're only talking about the "fight". Which is also wasn't really a fight since it was over as soon as my friend got milk poured on them. They got up & like rushed out of the cafeteria or something, I don't really remember. I hope that they're okay. People are siding with the other person & saying that they hate my friend & stuff which really upsets me. They're a really kind person truthfully, but they probably shouldn't have thrown something at the other person.

20/02/26 - 07:26

I had to steo through a huge puddle of water to get onto my bus & now my socks are soaked. Also, today I'm going to my Maw Maw's, which means we're going to have to drive for 5 hours through this mess to the southern middle part of the state, of which this storm is worst in the middle; so like we're kinda fucked. :(

18/02/26 - 14:08

Dude I can't wait to get this CRT. I'm gonna get a HDMI to Component converter so I can use my laptop on it & stuff. It's gonna be awesome. It was one of the only things I asked for my birthday along with Call of Duty World at War & Skate 2–both on the 360, & obviously a remote for the CRT since I'll need it to access the AV channel (from what I've heard at least). Hopefully it doesn't have a faulty IR reader since I heard that's a pretty common thing to happen on the 44.

18/02/26 - 10:21

My CRT died last night. I think it's because it was up against my tapestry, blocking the vents; which caused the Horizontal Output Transistor (HOT) to overheat & fail. It just so happens that the HOT is responsible for the electron beam firing & displaying an image onto the screen. So now my sweet sweet Sansui is a giant useless paperweight with buttons & a plug. Although, I asked for a Toshiba 14AF44 for my birthday to replace it. I know it's not as good as the 41, but they're basically the same & the 44 is cheaper. So I'll tell you how that went on the 4th (my birthday).

13/02/26 - 10:36

Dude, having school issued iPads/Chromebooks actually sucks. Not because the technology is bad or anything, but because of how easily it become a distraction. In the 2000's, kids actually did their work, they did their assignments, because they did have computers with access to most websites. It's like actually stupid. If we didn't use our iPads & we did everything on paper, kids would actually turn in their assignments. But apparently everything has to be digital now. Also we can talk in the hallways now.

13/02/26 - 08:06

Not only do we have to do I-Ready the entire week 5th period. Not only did they change our 5th period based off of our I-Ready diagnostic scores. But now we can't even fucking talk in the hallway. Meaning the only time I can talk to my best friend. You know, the person that I'm closest to other than my boyfriend, the only person I know how to & feel safe when talking to, the person who has talked me down from literal fucking suicide several times; I can only talk to them after school or during lunch if I'm lucky because their friend groupd is actually fucking massive it's stupid. But whatever. It doens't matter anyways.

12/02/26 - 12:19

So right after I made that entry they had us go to our 5th periods. So now I'm in a normal classroom with people I know & everyone's yelling. I think everything should go on normally now though. :/

12/02/26 - 12:13

Lunch was a total disater according to the admin (the admin is basically anyone who works in the office), but it really didn't seem all to bad to me. Although right after, we were apparently so bad that they had us line up single file & go to the auditorium. Since I didn't do anything, they let me & a bunch of other people go to the gym so that was pretty cool I guess. I got to spend a few minutes with my bestie so that was also pretty cool. But then after we left the gym everything just got really unreasonable. They have us in different classes than usual because the people who didn't get to go to the gym have to do a reflective essay or something like that. So right now I'm in a classroom with a teacher I don't know & 5 other people that I also don't know. It's not to bad, they're not mean or anything; & we're allowed to do literally anything right now, so I'm not really too upset about it. But still, it's just kinda weird to my autistic ass brain.

11/02/26 - 20:19

It doesn't really matter anymore. I accept that I've dissapointed my parents with my grades. I understand that they're upset becaus of my missing work. But I don't really care anymore. It doesn't really matter anymore. It's just an assignment. I'd rather work on bettering myself than an outline for an essay that I've already wrote. It doesn't really matter anymore. I just wanna lay down & sleep. I have a moving image of a river flowing in my head, it's pretty nice. I want to sleep. -w-

11/02/26 - 10:34

I'm sleeby. We gotta write a whole ass essay in 4th & I don't really wanna. It's gotta be in Times New Roman, Double Spaced, & Indented. I don't wanna do that right now, so I probably will do it at home or somethin. -w-

02/02/26 - 12:48

I-Ready is dumb, stupid, & doesn't actually help you learn. The county made it so that in 5th period all you're doing all week is I-Ready. They expect you to get 45 Minutes & 2 finished lessons on both Reading & Math every single week without break for any reason what so ever. Often making it so that there are several weeks where that's all we do in 5th instead of actually learning. Last 9-Weeks, I had a single day where we did actual work, the rest was I-Ready. It's gotten to the point where they've even changed our 5th period classes mid 9-weeks because of our diagnostic scores, separating me from my best friend in the only class we have togther simply because I got a lower score. I don't even want to do the lessons anymore, instead I'm typing these long blog posts for you to read. The county is pushing it so hard that not even the teachers like it, yet I guess it's just sooooo helpful that we need to do even more I-Ready instead of actual fun & interactive assignments. I'm just tired of this. When we take the diagnostics I don't even try. Not because I don't want to but because I can't. I am neurodivergent & I-Ready makes me lazy, so I don't try on the diagnostic, which gives me lessons of stuff I already know, which makes me want to do it even less. I-Ready is dumb & the county should go back to IXL, which was fun & interactive.

02/02/26 - 07:13

I wish for the cold to end, yet I don't want my thinking space to dissapear.

02/02/26 - 01:29

I used to know how to talk to people. I used to ramble & ramble to strangers about anything that interests me. Until one day, I just stopped. Not that I stopped rambling, just that I stopped rambling to other people but myself. Then, I stopped talking. Once more not to myself, just that a switch in my head had flipped. I’d forgotten how to socialize. How to interact. How to talk. It eventually got so bad I’d forgotten how to order food with my voice. I can now. But I still can’t talk. One day, I’d bottled my liquid feelings so much that the bottle was about to spill. Until the next day where my bottle had grown. Fitting more liquid inside itself. Recently, I've gotten to a similar point. The bottle was about to spill. But before I knew it, it’d grown once more. I’ve forgotten how to cry. Forgotten how to empty my emotions. I just want to let it out. I’m so tired of feeling empty. I just want to be sad again.

26/01/26 - 16:23

I've decided that when we get to the 17th of November this year I will compile all of the code for the page this year & bring it to it's own page to better organize my blog. But that's gonna be a while from now.

26/01/26 - 16:20

SO HAPPY SO HAPPY SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!! My boyfriend messaged me back finally!!! He didn't mean to ignore me, he was with his dad & probably didn't have access to Discord or something! I'm so glad he's back omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg!!!!!!!!! Literally fucking estatic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

25/01/26 - 11:32

So my mom talked to me about being trans last night & it went absolutely no where, which is mainly why I never blogged it last night. My boyfriend still hasn't messaged me back. & not really much else has happened... well it did snow a fuck ton & is probably going to snow a fuck ton more later today & tomorrow.

23/01/26 - 23:17

also, last week i messaged my mom about how she's not using my name or pronouns & she said she would talk to me tomorrow. so there will likely be a blog post tomorrow to. if the text is in lowercase, it probably didn't go how i wanted it to.

23/01/26 - 22:57

today honestly sucked. it was so unreasonably stressful. everything was okay until we left the movie. i was already a little bummed out because my boyfriend hasn't been responding to my messages from the past 2 days, so when i messaged him that i loved him i didn't expect a response. and i was right. i don't know if he still loves me. i don't know if i did anything wrong. i'm scared. i hope he still loves me. also during the movie when we were walking into the theater, i was trying to sit next to my best friend, but someone else got infront of me & sat next to them instead. when we were getting back on the bus after the movie, i sat next to my friend like i did on the way down, but the people behind me asked their friend to come up & sit in my seat so they could talk to each other, forcing me to scoot over to the window & not be able to sit with my friend. i wanted to cry & almost did, but i couldn't get it out. i hope things get better.

23/01/26 - 07:29

Today is my one year anniversary with my boyfriend!!!!! I love him to death & I hope we never break up!!!! Also today, my school is going on a field trip as a sorta reward for getting through the second 9 weeks. We're going to a movie theater & watching Zootopia 2!

22/01/26 - 11:31

Just got outta lunch, like usual I didn't really eat. But 2 of the kids at the table behind mine were asking me questions for some reason. You know, usual stuff like "Are you a furry", "Are you emo", "Are you gay" shit like that. But one of them asked me if I was dating my best friend & I obviously denied it since they have a boyfriend & I have a boyfriend, but idk if they believe me. Especially since when we left I immediately went to my besties side & walked with them back to our homerooms. Also this is a new record for the highest amount of blogs in a single day; which is now 3.

22/01/26 - 10:48

Also, as an addon to the blog I made on the 18th, A6A5 has turned out to be very entertaining so far & I am really enjoying it.

22/01/26 - 10:46

Sitting in 4th absolutely bored out of my mind. My table's being loud as hell, it's a miracle that the teacher hasn't said a word to us yet. I keep telling them to shut up but they're not listening. I'm unbelievably overstimulated & just want it to be lunch already. Thankfully it's only about 7 minutes until then.

19/01/26 - 17:59

Oh yeah btw I got my Discord back & can talk to my boyfriend again.

18/01/26 - 16:32

I've made it to A6A5 in Homestuck. I am honestly getting a bit tired & burnt out of Homestuck but A6I4 was pretty funny. I had a good laugh at "[!!!] A6I4 ==>". But when I went to the map & looked at the length of A6A5, it made me want to stop reading for the day. It just feels like the story isn't going anywhere honestly & it's turning me off from continuing. Hopefully I end up liking A6A5 & really the rest of Hometuck because I'm too far in to give up at this point.

15/01/26 - 10:11

Sick af rn, everything hurts, I just regained the ability to breath through my nose. I'm in 4th rn, prolly gonna ask to go to the nurse's office soon or somth. I feel like SSHHIITT

07/01/26 - 12:29

I forgot to write about it, but on the 3rd my Discord account got hacked & I lost access to it. This also means that I have no way to talk to my boyfriend since I was E-Dating him so it feels like the relationship might be over. I hope it isn't because I still love him a ton, but I have no way to converse with him.

07/01/26 - 07:19

Yesterday one of the people in my school that I'm not exactly friends with but don't dislike tried to convert me from Daoism to Christianity I think. I was cool about it, but I do NOT want to be a Christian & am perfectly fine being a Daoist. I didn't really mind that they tried to convert me & I'm still cool with them, I just thought it was a mix of kinda annoying & kinda funny.

29/12/25 - 21:28

My parents sat me down at dinner to talk about me being trans. That's all I want to talk about right now.

18/12/25 - 10:24

Oh god it happened it finally happened. I just spread the Homestuck brainrot to one of my friends & now they're reading Act 1. I want to save them before it's too late but also I think it's kinda funny how I accidentally got them into this shit because they watch me read it in 4th period. Although this also means I'll have to stop reading in 4th period so that I don't spoil anything for them since I'm in A6A3.

07/12/25 - 00:03

Today me & my oldest sister went out to see the FNAF 2 Movie! Shit was GGAASS!!!!!!!!! Idk what my favorite part was, but it was awesome! Also, I learned how to purr yesterday, I just didn't feel like making a whole ass blog post article thingy about it because I didn't think it was that colossal that it deserved one.

03/12/25 - 22:23

I DID IT!!! I MADE IT TO [S] CASCADE!!! I FINALLY MADE IT AFTER ALL THIS TIME!!! I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD GET HERE THIS QUICKLY, BUT I MADE IT NONE THAN LESS!!! HOLY SHIT!!! TOMORROW I WILL BEGIN ACT 6!!! LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

21/11/25 - 15:10

Today when I went into school, my homeroom (who is also my 7th period) teacher confronted me in the hallway which was empty since I was a bit late. She asked if I wanted to be refered to as Rowan instead of my deadname since I've been putting my gender comfirming name on my papers. I obviously said yes to this. I just wanted to talk about this because it's been making me feel a bit euphoric today! :D

20/11/25 - 23:36

Ok, I've calmed down since the last blog. It still absolutely sucks what happened & it is still absolutely surreal; but I'm done talking about that now. I have decided that I'm taking a break from social media. I really decided this last night but forgot to blog it. This is not involved in the Shayy situation or any other drama, I just want to take a break to better my own life & mental health. That's it I guess.

20/11/25 - 11:51

Well this fucking sucks. My favorite Undertale & Deltarune creator - Shayy - just got exposed as a groomer. So many days spent after school, eating, going on car rides, etc, spent watching their videos. They were an escape from the troubles of real life. But now, I don't think I'll ever watch them again (unless they make a response video, I will watch that). I just genuinely am at a total & complete loss for words. I just want to cry right now I guess. At least we still have Cibles... right? Cibles is okay right? I hope.

17/11/25 - 20:39

Today was usual for the most part. I got up, got ready, went to school, got home, went to sleep, & got picked up by my dad. But after that, I decided to make this; & a Wikipedia site. That's about it I guess.